A Slow Continuing
I ended 2025 depressed.
Little joy has followed me through the last 5 months, there’s be a heaviness that I simply couldn't shake no matter how many times I rolled out my Yoga mat or sat with feelings and you would think that December 31st would be a beacon of light banishing the tendrils of depression clinging to my mind. No such luck. Of course there was a time that New Year was full of excitement for me, a clean slate, a fresh start, rules, order. I LOVE organisation.
But something shifted, the childlike awe of new beginnings became declarations of half promises and a nervous system that couldn’t quite keep up with the strict regimes I placed on it. New year now leaves me with a sense of impending doom and an urgency like no other. In fact, as I write this it’s 9am on the second of January and I’ve already spent the morning manically cleaning, finding more things to add to my list and planned a whole new business venture which will never see the light of day because my mind will pick up a new shiny things in half an hour. A strange desperation of wanting everything to be perfect for the year ahead.
There’s a tiredness lingering in my bones, a tiredness that won’t be eased by deep cleaning or a life overhaul, and whilst my brain feels a little less imprisoned, my nervous system is craving safety. So often we exist in a state of survival, high alert, searching for any small confirmation that everything is falling apart and it’s completely exhausting. You don’t need another January of restriction, of monitoring, of berating yourself for not doing better, BEING better. I don’t think any of us need to fill our time with convincing ourselves that we aren’t enough, instead maybe we start to explore a slow continuing.
It’s my intention to slip into this year quietly, unnoticed by the heavy messaging of being the best version of myself and just, well, be. To take one tentative step in front of the other and show up with compassion instead of cruelness dressed up as self improvement. No big moves, no crazy promises, just a gentle and steady knowledge that I am showing up for myself in the way I need. My body doesn’t need restriction, it needs a safe place to land. My mind doesn't need to be forced into seeing the world differently, it needs to start exploring what joy means in this current moment.
So here’s to softness, to embodied movement, to listening to my body and the subtle messages it sends my way. Here’s to quietly continuing.